Flowculture’s Blog

Hope you are all enjoying Christmas trees of more than one variety on this fine December day, and I hope that all your gifts were happily received by their recipients. If not, don’t forget the greatest gift of all. No, not love! (that’s the second greatest) I’m talking of course about drugs. I for one didn’t get any drugs for Christmas, and I was a bit disappointed about that. Anyway, on to business.

While doing some late gift shopping at the mall, I was drawn to the store that sold tea and only tea. We all know that all real stoners delight in tea, and being a real stoner, I delight in tea. After browsing and sampling their wares, I was shown to the pride and joy of this particular store, Monkey Picked Oolong. At $100 a pound, it is the second most expensive herbal supplement I’ve yet discovered. While I’m not sure about spending that much on tea (I would rather spend it on the FIRST most expensive herbal supplement I’ve yet discovered), I can say that it was very high quality and I can’t say that the price of the tea was all that outrageous. What made it so expensive was the way in which it was harvested, evident in the name of the brew: it is picked by monkeys. It could be picked by humans of course, but that just wouldn’t be nearly as cool! Apparently the best leaves are at the top of the tree, and since monkeys are damn good at climbing trees, the farmers trained them to climb to the top and pick the good stuff. Now this got me thinking. If a monkey can be trained to pick tea, or learn sign language, surely a monkey could be trained to smoke the ganja! It’s a much simpler activity than sign language, and much less physically strenuous than tree climbing. I’m not talking about hotboxing your car with your pet inside it. Of course you could get a monkey high in this fashion, much like I get my dog high on a regular basis. I’m talking about a monkey who can take a bowl, put his thumb on the carb, light the lighter and take a hit. My friends, it can be done. I refuse to die until I have blazed a phat sesh with a monkey. I send you all forth with a mission: find a chill ass chimp and smoke him down.

-The Senator